Dear Readers,
It’s time to come clean….
I haven’t been completely honest with you or honest at all…
Stick with me… This is a long post. The 2nd half will be much more interesting, but I felt it was important to give you some background, so you can see how I got to where I am at.
This is really hard for me to share. I don’t often get personal on my blog or social media or really anywhere. I’m somewhat of a perfectionist. Not the detail-oriented kind that we usually think of, but the socially prescribed type. This refers to those of us that believe others want us to be perfect, so we have to live up to those expectations.
I constantly feel an internal pressure to be a perfect example for others and to never make choices that are less than perfect. This has really proven to be true in my job as a blogger and health coach. Unfortunately, this self-induced pressure has caused me to feel less connected to my work lately. Since I haven’t been doing things perfectly behind the scenes, I struggle with what I want to share with you here and on Instagram.
I am lucky enough to have an amazing, small circle of female entrepreneurs that I share everything with – all of my challenges and all of my wins.
On New Year’s Day, one of them posted in our group asking us to share what our word is for 2016. I actually hadn’t given much thought to this yet, but I instantly said “self-care”. This is basically something I’ve ignored for the last couple of years. Ever since becoming a mom, I almost never make time for myself. If I have any free time, I spend it working. It just jumped out at me, in that moment. I realized that I can’t keep going like this.
Then a few days later, I started ranting about how I’m not sure what to do with my blog. I haven’t been posting on Instagram lately because I feel burned out and exhausted. Something that once felt so fun and natural to me, has started to feel like work.
I started my blog in 2009. After nearly a decade of struggling with my health, I felt amazing! I had so much energy and I felt so vibrant. I couldn’t wait to share that with all of you and inspire you to do the same.
This was all good and dandy for the first 4 years. Paleo changed my life, I had an incredibly healthy pregnancy, gaving birth to a thriving sweet girl.
Looking back at my life 6 years ago, when I first started eating Paleo….
All I did was Crossfit, cook, go to work, hang out with friends and relax. It was pretty awesome! I did have some underlying health issues that I was working through with a practitioner. I was the most ideal patient. I did every single thing he told me to do and I recovered incredibly quickly.
He told me to get weekly acupuncture – check! He told me to drink broth daily – check! He gave me a gazillion supplements to take 3x a day – check. He also told me that I had one of the best adrenal test results he had ever seen! Of course I did! I slept 9 to 10 hours a night. It was incredible!
But then something happened …
My life went from revolving around health and fitness to….
Motherhood…
The first few months were pretty amazing. Indyanna was my first baby. I took 4 months off of work. She was a good sleeper (don’t get too jealous, it definitely didn’t stay that way for long ;)). I checked out of work. I didn’t check my email once during my maternity leave. I slept all the time and just snuggled my sweet girl. Complete bliss.
Then it was time to go back to work…And reality set in. I tried to get back to my healthy lifestyle over and over, but I couldn’t commit. I didn’t understand why, as it once felt so easy for me.
Workouts – out the window. Who has energy for that when you’ve been up with a baby all night and at the office all day?
Healthy, well balanced meals – I wish! We still ate Paleo-ish, organic and all that jazz. But most meals consisted of slow cooker chicken, rice and salad. No more fancy Osso Buco or Pork Chops with Pomegranate Sauce.
Necessary supplements – at best, I remember to take them twice a week.
After about a year, something else started to happen. All the health issues that I had so easily overcome in the past, came back with a vengeance. Ok… maybe that’s an over-exaggeration. But they did come back, which I never expected would happen.
I kept wondering why is this happening? Why don’t I feel well and vibrant anymore? I am still eating so healthy.
I think what triggered my health issues again was stress and lack of sleep. The stress wasn’t sudden, so it was a little difficult to recognize at first. I actually didn’t even realize it was happening until it was a little too late.
I had felt so good all throughout my pregnancy and even through the first year of parenting. I think my years of great sleep and proper nutrition are what allowed me to feel so well. Since I still had so much energy, I just kept doing all the same things as I had been doing before I became a mom. I didn’t cut back on anything after I became a parent. I didn’t think I had to. I thought my Paleo super powers would get me through. 😉
I wanted to keep up with my current career while I built my career as a blogger and a health coach. Throughout, all that I wanted to be the perfect parent – one that made all of Indyanna’s food from scratch, was present with her, made sure she got all of her rest. I’ll be honest… I was a major control freak! So, I didn’t ask for any help.
So how did I make this all work? I got no sleep! Yes, I sacrificed sleep! I felt like such a hypocrite. All the things I told you to do – prioritize sleep, don’t work at night, make time to unwind – I wasn’t doing! Oh… but that uninterrupted time when baby went to bed and wouldn’t be up for at least another 5 to 6 hours was impossible to resist. That late night time became my “me time”. I told myself it’s ok… I feel fine. And then guess what happened?!?
One day… I woke up and I didn’t feel so fine anymore. I actually felt like a wreck. Maybe even worse than before I went Paleo. Maybe it didn’t happen overnight, but it sure felt like it. All that lack of sleep and my self induced pressure to “keep up with crunchies” added up and I frankly felt like crap. I actually ended up with Stage 4 Adrenal Fatigue.
But I never told you that. Not because I was embarrassed. Many people in my personal life knew.
I had started my blog with an intention, a purpose, and it was to show others how to use real food to feel their best. I felt like that’s what people expected of me. With my perfectionist nature, I didn’t want to let you down and tell you I had run myself ragged. I thought if I did that, I wouldn’t be able to inspire you to keep making healthier choices.
So instead, when my lunch was a few pieces of sliced turkey, some carrot sticks and whatever other random food I could find in my fridge because I had no time to meal plan or even cook a meal, I would take 10 minutes to style that measly lunch, stick a flower next to it and make you all think that my life is full of unicorns and fairies. I thought that pretty picture is what would inspire you.
I still do believe that there’s so much value in nourishing ourselves with healthy food. Food was my #1 priority for a long time, and maybe even my only priority. I really used to think if you just ate healthy; it would all fall into place. That had been my reality for so long. Although all the research showed that sleep and stress were equal contributors to our health, it was hard for me to wholeheartedly believe that until I experienced it.
Now I’ve experienced it and I understand that the four quadrants of health – sleep, stress, nutrition and exercise all play an important role in our lives. Sometimes we have to prioritize one or two over the other. Right now, my priority is to reduce stress.
For me that means not always making perfect Paleo choices, but making choices that are perfect for a mom doing her best.
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I’ll share more about what those exact choices look like for me in a separate post because I think we can agree that this one is plenty long. 🙂
Back to my tight knit group of fabulous women… when I shared much of the above with them, they said why don’t you share this with your readers? This is what all of us mamas want to see, not the perfect life we believe everyone else on social media lives. Share with us about your year of self-care and also share your struggles with us too. Show us when it just can’t happen or it doesn’t happen as perfectly as you had envisioned. Also, show us the little and big things you are doing to take care of yourself.
I don’t know why it hadn’t occurred to me to just be authentic with all of you incredible people. I am so glad my friends encouraged me to do it. And if you’re a mom, chances are you need to be inspired to make choices that take care of YOU sometimes too, more than you need to know which brand of protein bar is healthiest to eat.
I am here to tell you that for 2016…
I choose authenticity and transparency, over perfectionism. I am going to prioritize self-care over work. This one is so hard for me. I am a workaholic and I love my job. But, now I’ve told you, so I have to do it!
I want to show you how you can make time for small things throughout the day that take care of you. I also want to show you how I budget for occasional bigger treats like a massage or a facial. And of course, I’ll be open with you about the struggle to balance it all!
The biggest lesson I’ve learned over the last couple of years is that it is important to ask for help. Much of how I got myself in this situation is that I’ve been trying to do everything and anything on my own. Chances are you can relate to this too.
Women of our generation are raised to believe that we can do it all and that we have to do it all – and all by ourselves, at that. We can be the perfect mom and the woman with a thriving career, all while our house is clean, we are in great shape, make all of our meals from scratch, down to the sauerkraut and even manage to make time for our hobbies.
I really tried to do the above for far too long. For 3.5 years to be exact. It was pure madness.
For 2016, I’ve asked for A LOT of help because I know it’s the only way to live how I want to live and feel how I want to feel. I am ready to feel great again and to inspire you to do the same!
What you can expect from me and Rubies & Radishes this year:
1 – I’ll be open and honest with you. I’ll share some of the things I’m doing to take care of myself this year. I’ll share the struggles too. It won’t be all fairies and unicorns. I will be writing some blog posts, but I’ll also be sharing a lot on Instagram.
2 – I also want to continue to bring you great recipes. I realize that I can’t do it all. I’ve added some amazing bloggers and recipe developers to my team as regular contributors. So, you’ll still be getting new Paleo recipes and even some DIY recipes!
Thank you so much for hearing me out! I feel light, focused and connected. I am so ready to share with you authentically this year!
Happy 2016!
Do you make time for self-care? What are little or big things you do, that are just for you? Share with us in the comments!
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This. This is me to a T. I did yoga, hiked, did a cleanse, ate well, did guided meditation, went to my acupuncturist twice a week… and that’s how I became pregnant with my son after two losses. And then I actually -had- my son. And I felt great for the first year or so but by 18 months I wasn’t doing the best, and then a 6-week-long flu (likely H1N1) knocked me down just before my son turned 2. He is almost 4 and I still haven’t recovered from that, mainly because I am not doing the things I need to do to keep my body in balance. <3 It takes so much effort, and even when you know it is worth it, it's so easy to slack off or not keep up the consistent work. I definitely want to try this year — for myself, but also for my son and husband, because we all deserve for me to feel better.
I, for one, appreciate your transparency and applaud your courage. What I find motivates me is authenticity. I’m far more likely to find motivation from those who are genuine, imperfect, humans. I think a lot of people would agree that no one is, or should be expected to be, perfect. Striving for good or better health is a journey. Sometimes it is a hard fought battle. Sometimes we claim victory and sometimes we succumb to the challenges of life. The goal should not be perfection. Rather, it should be getting up once you’ve fallen, dusting yourself off, and moving again toward the goal while learning the lessons.
Self care is a big one for me this year. I have become unhealthy. I’ve put on a lot of weight and my autoimmune issues have been a constant for the past year and half or so. I have to get myself straight. Sleep is a priority, as is healthy exercise, not trying to look like the cover of a magazine exercise. Not every meal has to be perfect. Also, saying no is going to be a more regular activity for me. I can’t be all things to all people. Small steps, but working back towards health. Good luck!
Thank you for sharing! It is so hard to try to live that perfect life. It more inspirational to hear others have struggled and learn how they persevered . I look forward to following your journey this year! I’ve been working on adding self care back into my life, too. My favorites are regular yoga and quiet reading time after all the kids are asleep.
I get it! I have seven kids and I homeschool (20yrs to 1 yr). I suffered for far too long. Asking for help is great. Learning to say “no” was also a game changer for me. I no longer seek perfection. I have some non-negotiables — daily prayer time, firm bedtime (when no one is sick), and a nightly bath. Finding and maintaining my rhythm can be a struggle at times. I must often remind myself that it is just a season of life that I’m going through – it will pass. Be gentle on yourself and know that this is a season!
Beyond self care, self compassion is what I’m working on this year. I too struggle with thinking I need to be a super hero mom with perfect children, house, and successful business. As my business grows I see less time for friendships. I miss my mama friends. Why do we as mother sacrifice ourselves and our health to make others lives easier?
YES! So true! Such a great point about self-compassion.
Arsy – kudos to you for “coming clean” there’s so many us struggling to find the perfect balance. While I don’t have any kiddos, I can totally identify with what you are going through.
As a fellow blogger – I fell into a career when I was just looking for a little thing of my own on the side – and somewhere along the way I lost myself and my own passion for living a healthy life. I’ve told my husband 2016 is the year of Hayley… when my #1 priority is myself and getting to a place of peace & happiness — you know that glorious life we all picture as bloggers?? make you own schedule, go at your own pace, no stress or pressure 🙂
Here’s to all of us who are getting ourselves right in 2016. Keep your chin up, You got this momma!
I completely relate to following into a career and losing my own passions along the way! I am excited to bring that back to where it once was this year. I am so glad to hear that you are going to focus on yourself too!
Beautifully written. I admire your honesty. As women, we want to do it all and it is sooo hard to ask for help or even figure out what we really need. I have started blogging recently and am “coming clean” on it as much as possible. As much as I wish everything in my house was organic and pastured, let’s get real….sometimes I do my grocery shopping at target. Life isn’t perfect but we all can try to make the best choices given our situation at the time. No one wants unicorns and butterflies…we want real life! Thanks for sharing!
Oh, by the way, if you’d like to check out my blog, it’s at http://elizres.com
Holistic health for women who want to feel happy, healthy and hot! Posts are short with a dose of PG-13 humor.
I bookmarked it to read this week!
Yeah! Thank you! Oh, and I just bought that new giant Paleo cookbook you created after hearing about it from Kelly Winters. LOVE!!!!
Thank you for sharing — this is life, this is reality. I don’t know a single mom who can honestly say she “has it all together 100%”. My kids are now teenagers — almost 16 and almost 14 — and trust me when I say that there is light at the end of the tunnel. When the kids were young, it was all about spending time with them, nurturing them, feeding them, etc. Now that they’re older, it’s about driving them around from one activity to another, talking with them about life issues, homework, discussing current events and their interests, going to their games/recitals/etc. It’s different. Their needs are more emotional and mental than physical as they become more self-sufficient. I can even work out with them, which helps with time management and reinforces this behavior with us all. Once I realized that it’s OK for mom to take a little time each day to work out, rest, recharge, whatever, we were all a lot happier. Hang in there, and again, thanks for sharing!
Thank you for the words of wisdom and encouragement, Laura!
You just read my mail, and I mean ALL of it! Thank you for sharing and I’m excited to read your progress. Thank you for being honest and transparent.
You’re welcome! Thank you for reading and sharing with us too!
Thank you for being so transparent! It is a breath of fresh air. Honestly, reading the posts and seeing the perfect pictures make me feel less than great about where I’m at in my life. And right now I’m in a super similar place. After my daughter was born a year and a half ago I stopped cooking (hubby does thankfully), my food choices aren’t always great, and sleep is broken which is a tough when you work full time too. I feel drained and it’s so hard to make self care a priority. The one thing I did do after my daughter was born was stet playing volleyball once a week and it is so nice to get even just that little bit of me time. Id like to add yoga and acupuncture once a week. It’s hard though because it’s a time and money commitment and as a parent, who has either?! 🙂 im looking forward to following you through your wins and struggles of 2016!
I agree, Carli! I stopped scrolling through my Instagram feed because it constantly made me feel bad for not having it together. I realized that I didn’t want to add to that anymore. Good for you for making time for Volleyball. I hope you can make time for yoga and acupuncture soon too. Do you have any group acupuncture in your area? It’s usually much more affordable.
Thank you for this! I felt like I was reading about myself. In fact, last night I was thinking I should write a blog post very similar to this one! In my case I haven’t been writing, and everyone is asking when the next post will be. I can’t just come out and say “Well I’m a new mom again who’s husband deployed when our little one was 5 weeks old, along with the postpartum depression, anxiety, and also being active duty military, I just haven’t had the time”. But now, I think it important that I do share with my readers, because that one mother going through the same thing needs to know that she’s not alone. She’s not the only one. What a blessing to read this today. It may take a while to write this post, but I know it will be worth it in the end!
Jenn, I wanted to tell you, and Arsy, and anyone else reading this, that your post will resonate with someone exactly when they need to hear it. We have to be real and honest about what is going on in our lives. I have actually stopped following certain bloggers that I felt were purposely making their life sound too picture perfect. I mean, come on! Give me a break! Arsy’s post today clearly touched a lot of people, and yours will too!
Thank you for the encouragement!
Arsy, thanks so much for sharing this authentic post! Self Care in 2016 sounds like a great plan. All of us at Page Street are here for you!
You guys are the best! Seriously!
Arsy, my sister brain! You nailed it with this post! I am so glad you are taking these steps and you are an inspiration! What a great post!!! This is going to be a fantastic year. Big hugs! xoxo
Thanks for the love, blogging bestie! 🙂
You are amazing. What a valuable post. Thank you so much for sharing and being forthright. I can relate so much when you describe yourself, and your social perfectionist tenancies. Congratulations on being a new Mother, and congratulations on deciding to focus on You again. This is the first blog post I’ve read in full in a while.
Thank you so much for the sweet words! It means so much to me that you read the whole thing! It was a long one! 🙂
I loved this post! I don’t even have any children yet, but I’m totally overwhelmed with my full-time job, blogging, and trying to cook, clean, and sleep. I set one New Year’s resolution: to take better care of myself. So far it’s been hard, but I think I’m making progress. My biggest problem is that I end up feeling guilty or criticizing myself when I prioritize self care over other things, but I think with practice I can reduce those feelings. It makes me feel a lot better to read that you’re focusing on similar things!
BTW, I got a copy of The Ultimate Paleo Cookbook in the mail today, and it looks amazing! Can’t wait to dig in and try some of the recipes.
HI Becky! That’s so great that you are focusing on yourself too! It’s so important to do, when we have so much going on!